I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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