You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
