Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
