I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
