Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
