I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
