I need help removing her.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just high enough for therapy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
