jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
