Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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