Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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