i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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