i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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