The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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