can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
