MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
