True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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