I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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