At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
