Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
