Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
