and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
