I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
