If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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