The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
