mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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