I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
