have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
