You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My hand turned me down
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
