you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
