i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
