I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
