He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
