he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
