Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
