so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
