Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
