Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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