The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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