I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dick very happy bro
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
