We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I touched a dick in church today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
