Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
