But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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