hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
