Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
