my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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