Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
