11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
