Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You're a waste of cheezeits
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
