I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
