no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
