I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
