I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
