I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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