She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
