I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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