ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
