im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
