R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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