I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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