Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
