dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
True strength comes from lack of pants
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