I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
