Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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