Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize