if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
