so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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