is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Terrible idea I love it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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