Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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