Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
