It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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