There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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