Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize