I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
