Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
