I just gift wrapped bread.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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