The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
