We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
