Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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