i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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