So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
