A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
