Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
